Who Ashish Tewari is NOT.

At some point of time - don't deny it - we've all googled ourselves. What came up may have been (rarely) gratifying, (sometimes) hilarious, and (usually) depressing as you scroll through a list of alternate you's all of whom seem to have led more interesting lives, been more places, written more books, and generally done... more.

So, let me do a little experiment. Let me google again, and tell you, dear reader, who I am not, so you are less confused, and better-informed, while searching for me next time. The interesting thing is, a lot of these folks do have some connection in one way or another - something I didn't realize till I started writing this blog.

Ready? Here we go.

• I am not an author and professor in the department of aerospace engineering at IIT Kanpur, and I do not research attitude dynamics and control of re-entry flight. I have not written many, many books on design and analysis with MATLAB and Simulink. I am an avid sci-fi fan though, and would enjoy a discussion on streamlined versus vacuum-functional spaceship design.

• I am not the founder and CEO of Tweedle Technologies, nor the director of Samarth Financial Consultancy and Altum Credo Home Finance, but hopefully one day will be (of other companies I set up.)

• Nor am I the Head of Technology for Global Cards at NiYo Solutions Inc. (Though I might enjoy being there.)

• I am not a project manager in Pune willing to work in a start-up for faster learning and challenging opportunities. (But have been in both Pune and a startup.)

• I'm not a senior consultant at laboratory medicine, pathology and blood bank at Medanta in Lucknow, and I don't practice at Sahara hospital. I didn't pioneer procedures like leucapheresis and granulocyte harvesting. However, I did go to school from class IV to VII at St. Francis in Lucknow.

• I don't keep an air of mystery about myself at Stackoverflow. (Just everywhere else.)

• I'm not a tutor in London, but will happily jump at the chance.

• I'm not an assistant professor of chemistry at BHU, nor a Ph.D in Botany at Kumaon Uni in the forestry department, nor an assistant professor in mathematics at BITS Pilani researching fluid mechanics.

• I'm not an assistant manager at Hind Terminals or Wipro with knowledge in areas related to programming, UI, technology, web and life sciences, though it does sound eerily similar to what I've done before.

• I don't have 44 tracks uploaded on SoundCloud. I might have 44 playlists on Amazon and Spotify though.

• I'm not an operations manager at Tata AIG, (though have been a digital manager at Tata Communications in the past.)

• I'm not the Senior Superintendent of Police at Ayodhya, being awarded Silver for outstanding work this Republic Day.

• I'm not a writer at DNA (though briefly, I was one at ToI.)

• I'm not seeking a life partner at gatbandhanshaadipoint.com (too late for me now, save yourself)

• I don't have samples uploaded at Codepen, (though I, too, want to make the web beautiful and usable for everyone.)

• I'm not a senior computer scientist in Menlo Park (but I've driven through there a couple of times when picking stuff up from the Trader Joe's or the farmer's market.)

• I haven't co-written a book with Supriya Tewari on the synthesis of medicinal agents from plants, though I might like to read it.

• And lastly, I'm not an SME in Azure & Active Directory, but I do have a similar beard.

So, here we are. While I might have finished enumerating and poking gentle fun at both my other namesakes and myself, I'm also doing... something else. Something slightly devious, and digital marketing related.

Time will tell if it works... and anyone who guesses what it is, shout out @ashisht and tell me.

And if you know why it won't work, tell me that too!